1-800 flowers

Valentine’s Day again ?

A day to show the one you can’t stand 364 days out of the year how much you really love them. Like working 40 hrs a week or taking care of a house, kids, dogs, cat, hamster doesn’t scream baby I love you. This over priced candy and card most definitely will! Can’t forget the flowers too! Single or in a relationship this man made Holiday is overrated.

If you’re single like me, nothing makes it’s worse then getting a text from a club promoter with this header ….

Like thanks, I really want to hang out with a bunch of loners on a couples holiday. I’ll just get drunk in the comforts of my own home tonight.

As if I’m not feeling shitty enough you just throw salt at me !

Not gonna lie, even though this holiday is once again stupid, I have decided I’m in the wrong profession. A good friend of mine asked me to pick out flowers and a card for his girl. Which happens to also be a good friend.

So here I go, bracing myself for all the last minute people scurrying around for the perfect I love you.

My first thought , people don’t work on Valentine’s Day ? It’s 11am why the fuck is this line from here to China ? Everyone call out sick for this shit ? Scared you’re sleeping on the couch tonight ? (which you probably already do) Anyway, after I survived the line I went to another store. Ahhh the card isle, full of dudes racking there brains it looks like. Pick a card any card. Don’t act like you care now. Just kidding, but not. “Any cards for friends with benefits ? How about for Situationships ? Asking for myself!”

I yell out. No one laughs. Tough crowd. That’s why that card you picked won’t get you laid later. But this card , this card I picked out for my friend! This is where I decided forget cocktailing. I’m going to do this for a living ! That’s right all you dumbass men stress no more! I’m going to be like Kevin Hart in Wedding Ringer. Forget 1-800 flowers, hit me up 1-800 Nicole Lauren. I picked the best card ever! The best flower arrangement. You can’t top a woman doing a mans job, we just do it better. But I do need a man for one thing, filling windshield washer fluid in my car. I almost broke a nail today trying to open my hood. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Quick question, if the day before Valentine’s Day is side chick day what’s tomorrow? Bottom bitch day, because candy and everything is gonna be on clearance! I mean I’d take my side piece out tomorrow save some money, see you dudes got it all wrong.

So aside from today being pretty comical, I am excited to get this biz off the ground. Christmas gifts, anniversaries, gender reveals, push presents, mother in laws yup! Guys, I’m your go to ! What would I call it though ? Happy wife happy life ? Nikki knows best ? Leave it to me? Your an idiot let me do it ? Decisions, decisions. Comment below your suggestions! This could be big.

Cheers xo

♥️

8 thoughts on “1-800 flowers

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