Now that Valentine’s Day and all the other dramatic holidays are over I have a series of stories to tell. Like am I on candid camera ? I swear 495 Production needs to be following me around and documenting these events.
Let’s start with my mysterious Godiva chocolate gift that was sent to my house. It was a few weeks after my birthday, so naturally I thought it was a belated gift. I had one specific person in mind. The only person that’s ever sent me anything for that matter. The card read, “Please enjoy this gift while we sort things out”- Nathan James.
I have no idea who Nathan James is. My first thought , clearly, was that it was something from Godiva. Maybe, backordered and it wasn’t able to be sent to me. This was probably just a little gift to hold me over for the real thing. Nathan James must be like the sales manger or something, sounds good right?
A couple of days went by and then I was more curious. I ended up Googling the name and I was way off. I had ordered a desk months ago that came damaged. Nathan James is the damn furniture company. This was a gift from them. Well, yup that confirms it, nobody loves me.
Then there was the creepy guy who walked up to the door of my hair shop while I was on the phone. He proceeded to tell me he had jungle fever and can he talk to me for a minute. Since I was on the phone it was a perfect excuse to basically ignore him. I’m naturally not a rude person, surprise, so I was nice about it but totally blew him off.
My friend who was on the phone is European. Never hearing the saying or knowing what it meant she was concerned. “Jungle fever!” Tell him he better take some Tylenol put his mask back on! It was the best part of my day. Her response lives in my head rent free forever.
Then, one of my favorite disappointments of the season. I was invited to Vegas for the weekend!!! This literally never happens to me. In true, why the hell is this my life fashion, I had to decline. It’s probably the one person that I’m actually interested in too. I wasn’t able to go for reasons only the real know.
Instead , I got to sit back and watch all his IG stories about how much fun he was having in Vegas. Salt in the wound. I guess I missed my window of opportunity because he got back with his ex a few weeks after he got home. Just in time for Valentines Day. Sucks for him.
There’s more…. we have the Facebook flirt. Consistently, he’s been going back-and-forth interacting with my stories. I was thinking he liked me. Isn’t that how it goes anymore ??
Until, he commented on a post about hair extensions. I replied, “Oh are you looking to get your hair done? Lol.” Obviously, as a joke but it definitely wasn’t funny because he was inquiring for a girl that he’s dating. He wanted to treat her for her birthday. Then he proceeds to tell me her features. Long dark hair , short, pretty face. I have to be in the twilight zone. What is actually going on. Definitely didn’t see that coming. Another one bites the dust.
Last but not least, we have to put icing on the cake that I’m going to devour. I have TWO destination weddings this year, and yup , you guessed it no date for either.
I better start to like cats because the way God is moving I’m destined to be an old cat lady. Honestly, I’m cool with that. How do you think Betty White live so long and looked so good ? She was single and she liked Vodka. I wouldn’t mind dying a legend like Betty White.
With that being said I’d like to thank Kanye’s documentary on Netflix for giving me the strength to write this blog. How can I be a famous writer if I never write ??? So thanks Ye !! Here’s to putting in more work to get this blog global !!
Drink of the week : Grey Goose Screwdriver