Get me tissues please…

Warning : not my usual content 😢

Honestly, I wasn’t going to write about this. I wasn’t going to expose this side of my life. I like to keep it light, keep it funny. This has been weighing on me heavy. I have to. Writing is my passion, it’s my outlet. I figure we all can relate and maybe can connect a little deeper. Here goes.

Four months ago, a very dear friend of mine passed away. I have experienced deaths of loved ones before as most of us have. It sucks. It really fuckn sucks. This heart break was a little different. As each person in our life respectfully holds a different place, a different piece of us …

I wanted to share my letter to him:

I hate that I’m writing you this way and it’s not just a text “wya”….

I hate that you can’t pop up unannounced and take my pain away for the night or day by your presence. You were always spontaneous, you had a way about you that no matter what someone was going through , we forgot about it. We had fun.

Your laugh was infectious, your generosity will always be unmatched. There will never be anyone like you! You came into my life at the perfect time. Your energy was exactly what was needed. I was going through some of the worst times in my adult life when we became close.

Care free ,stress free , and over the top was the mood every single time we were all together. Somehow it was meant to be. Not this part though. You weren’t suppose to go.

The three of us were like a family.

You were like the big brother I never had.

You always made sure everyone around you was good. You never let me turn down a shot either. But hey we could hang lol. Nikkkkkkiii , ugh I can hear you now.

You thought I was so funny. Making you laugh was therapeutic. (what’s therapeutic mean? “gooooogle it.”)

Your smile , your character, it’s just unforgettable. At times when you couldn’t come around because you had your responsibilities, like the rest of us, we would say damn when’s he popping up next ? I would miss you lol. Waiting for the call to escape reality for a few hours, sike, more like breaking dawn. Oh the hangovers ! Somehow you never had those lol. You were so much fun. WE , were so much fun. I never met someone like you. You were a great father, provider, son, friend, brother. I hope you knew how much I loved you. You helped me in so many ways, I don’t even think you realized what you did for my mental state. I had some dark days and all of us being together were some of the brightest. It’s crazy. I thought you’d be here forever. Remember when we went to Disney ? Legit just booked a trip to Disney , went to Epcot but they didn’t have Ciroc coconut so we left!

Of course, after I took all my pics and we went to Morocco & Italy lmao. I miss you man, how about on my birthday? Another great one for the books. There’s so many. I’ll treasure our jokes , our stupid nick names , everything, I’ll never forget you. I know you popped up on my bday this year. I felt your energy. I had so many signs from you. Thank you.

I wish we could have one more night, one more laugh , one more time to all be together. You really just never know, it’s so true. Laugh hard, love hard, and don’t let a day go bye without letting people know what they mean to you !!!

There you go with your damn chapstick …

Until we meet again xo

Save me a seat , and order me a Jamie neat no Henny!!!! And they better have my favorite chicharrones up there !!!

Love you Rellis

Boof that!

Xoxo ,


(How signs work, I wrote this entry as a draft in the airport on my way to disney. When I was at the flower & garden festival at Epcot I looked up and saw this !!! My nick name xo)

Snow White is my nick name given by D ….

In loving memory the drink recipe is for him… depending on the bar, the night, & mood :

Coconut Ciroc chilled

Remy neat

Published by Confessions of a Cocktail Server

Aspiring blogger .... Currently a cocktail server with 117 dreams to fulfill .... Jill of all trades master at most... follow my tales of trying to survive cocktail serving , dating, adulting & life period.

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