Worlds worst blogger…

I feel like I’ve betrayed my loyal followers, but I’m here to make it up to you. Like that ex who comes back around again and again because you’re awesome! That’s me. So take me back, I promise it’ll be different baby! Summers over, well for most of you. I’ll be chasing summer up and down the coasts soon. But hey cuffing season! Get ready for those I miss you texts and the how ya been bullshit. Stay woke.

Anyway, I’m back to recap my summer for you. Atlantic City made a huge come back this summer and I’m happy to see it, work it, and party in it!

We already know I don’t have your average 9-5 job where you can meet up with the girls or guys at happy hour.

My happy hour starts at 4am like most of my friends in this biz.

I’ve worked like crazy all summer since it’s my industry’s busiest months. I had a skinny little window for partying. In that window I stuffed my face and drank enough Jameson to put out a fleet of 20 men. What can I say I’m a sick pig.

I did have a few weddings and a couple of nights out when I was like a normal human. Where we could actually meet up by 6pm and be home by 2 am. I checked out Atlantic City’s newest spots when I could. Like the night club Daer , formally Ca$bah, where I use to make 1,000 on a Saturday night for getting guidos from Staten Island drunk. You’re probably too young to understand or I’m too fuckn old. Good times though.

Photo: Daer night club

It’s safe to say I lived my best life this summer in between juggling two cocktail jobs. No not the hoe life! I see the memes you guys made talking shit about women and quoting “living my best life”. Relax.

Photo: Ocean Resort & Casino

What would summer be with out hours at the beach and pool. It also doesn’t hurt I live where most of the world vacations.

This is the best tan I’ve had in while. Fuck wrinkles. Get Botox. Next t-shirt coming up. Stay tuned.

Photo: Hard Rock Beach Atlantic City .

The best part about living at the shore – locals summer. I know all you fall and winter rejects are doing your little rain dances and voodoo but mark my word it’ll be hot out for minute in South Jersey.

My beach chair never leaves my trunk. Thank yourselves for global warming.

Cheers to the calendar end of summer! Hope you had fun, made money, spent money, got drunk, got sober and everything in between ! Only 257 days ’till MDW weekend! Comment.like.share

Xo

Photo: Ocean Resort & Casino

Poker face

If you read my very post , I’ve been in the food and beverage industry for awhile. I’ve made friends with customers sometimes have formed family like relationships.

I was randomly thinking of this guy I met when I was maybe 18 years old. Disclosure: he was not a boyfriend or even a guy I was hooking up with. Most of you will judge me or think I’m lying and that’s ok. I’m sure he probably wanted to date me but it just wasn’t happening . Let’s call him Rick.

Back when I worked at good old Hooters, you had to sell merchandise to pretty much get anything you wanted; days off, early outs, free food etc….

So one night, like many, I was hustling to sell calendars. Going around to every table like the guy at the barber shop selling fake Rollie’s. The hustle.

That’s when Rick stopped my pitch on the calendar sale and said “How many do I have to buy so you can sit down and hang out with me?” So my 18 year old self said “10.” I was pretty naive and really just wanted to get off work early. Obviously my best friend was coming along. We worked together. I was smart, in the sense, to never hang out with strangers alone. The buddy system duh.

He told us he was a professional poker player upstairs, at the casino Hooters was in.

I thought it was a joke because I never heard of such a thing. That was when he introduced me to a whole new world of the casino. I knew nothing about.

He had comps for days. Which is money they casino gives you when you bet to use in house. Basically the more money you spend gambling the more comps you get.

So here we are 18 not even 21 hanging out with some random guy in the poker room. Don’t tell anyone. He had access to free massages, free dinners, free rooms, vacations etc. His lifestyle seemed so lavish and carefree to us then. You couldn’t tell us nothing.

We kept a pretty cool relationship. He told me before this gambling career he was a manger at a grocery store. The come up though!

On NYE he picked up me and all my girls in a limo. Ballin.

He would also have these crazy ideas. One of them was that he was going to buy a car and put a magnet on the side that said Airport Shuttle. He was going to charge people rides back and forth to the airport. With no papers or license to do it! He said he could make a fortune. I thought that was ridiculous, and now there’s Uber. He dropped that ball.

I dont know how or why we all lost touched but we did.

One day he stopped in Hooters and I hadn’t seen him in forever it seemed.

But he wasn’t big shot rick.

He looked strung out maybe using drugs. Maybe lost everything.

Tired and desperate was written on his face. Although he never asked me for money or anything crazy I could just tell he wasn’t doing well. I think I hooked him up with some fries I forget.

I never saw him after that.

It’s just crazy to look back, he was a nice guy just chasing money like pretty much everyone on earth. Just took a different path. No real significant reason to blog about this i just was thinking about him. I guess a part of me hopes he’s ok and doing better. #casinolife

Xo

If you think you or someone you care about has a gambling problem call our confidential, 24/7 Helpline at: 1-800-848-1880 or 1-800-GAMBLER.

https://800gambler.org/find-a-help-meeting/

Cocktail Etiquette

There’s a first for everything right? I opened my first casino and I’m alive to write about it. Three weeks of training leading up to hell week. I’m tired, just came down with the flu in the middle of summer, and my big toes hurt. Jesus take the wheel, into a wall please.

I’ve opened up a few places before but never stuck it out long enough to see it through. Nothing this massive either. It’s hard, exhausting, and an emotional rollercoaster. Kind of like your last toxic relationship; super high off excitement and momentum. Then out of know where a sucker punch to the chin. But you get up, shake it off and keep coming back for more. Call us crazy.

Since I’ve been a cocktail server for, my whole life (impressive I know) I think I’m going to write a book on cocktail etiquette, for co-workers that is. Not the drinkers. At least not right now.

The first lesson starts off like this : When ordering drinks stay to the right side of the bar, not on my left, not on top of me the friggn right side. Pretend it’s Wawa or any check out line. Wait, not Wawa , that line sucks. People literally pile on top of you, no personal space, and I always feel rushed. How about the 4th grade lunch line? Keep your tray to yourself and only move up when it’s your turn. You may be gorgeous and have nice rack but find some common sense if you want this to work.

We’re all human we make mistakes, we forget one or two drinks. Use your kindergarten skills and ask nicely “Hey Susan, I forgot a Heineken can I grab it real quick ?” Cocktail etiquette.

Number two: Clean your station for the next server before you leave and please don’t try to squeeze another few rounds out. You had your shift go home. I cannot wait for my relief after 6 hours in heels slinging glass ware from here to China. Plus you’re taking money from someone who needs it as much as you do. Which leads me to Cocktail karma ; any shady shit you try to pull will come back to you in this business quicker than you can say, “Coffee, soda, juice.” Just play nice and work well with others, sound familiar? Plus you never know when your going to need help or a favor. Duh.

Lesson three: The flow of our service bar is basically the glue to the operation. We’re all here for the same thing. To make money. So it’s crucial to have some type of system to keep things running smooth. Hence lesson one. Take care of your bartenders and barbacks. Be nice, say please and thank you and tip out!

For all my fellow cocktail servers new and old hope this made sense. Three lessons is all for today. We have enough on our tray this week 😉 (yes I’m corny)

To everyone one else hope you laughed or have a stupid confused look on your face.

Cheers

Xo

pool party

So I’m in Florida. Visiting my twenty something sister. She takes me to this pool party Saturday.

I was picturing a Vegas day party or Atlantic City’s “The Pool” at Harrahs . First sign that this is not what we’re about to get into:

A phone call from her boyfriend asking what we want to drink. Not our bottle service order either. Ok. BYOB maybe it’s a friends house pool party then. I don’t know. I’m making scenarios up in my head. Still down. Still ready. I ask her how much is the cover charge because their having a bunch of popular DJs. It’s free. Um, ok it’s getting a little weird. Now I have absolutely no clue what I’m getting into. But I’m still down, still ready.

Ever hear of SMF music festival ? This was the pre-party. It was insane. Nothing like I’ve ever been to before.

Ever party with about a thousand people in an apartment complex ? Me either.

No security. No rules. A free for all! Basically a college frat party on steroids.

All I know is my skin care regiment is on point! (Arbonne ) lol.

All these little boys thought I went to USF! Damn right I do! I’m a sophomore. My major is sarcasm 101 with a minor in make you laugh ’till you pee. Pass my Titos.

I did see a few older dudes creeping on these 19 and 20 year old girls. But the younger dudes were more fun. More on my level. Simple.

Then across the pool I found my spirit animal. My unicorn. My new best friend. Dancing like Beychella holding a Chick-fil-a soda ! Living his best life !

I wish I swam across to meet you. Where ever you are I love you!

After the party we went to some food truck. Of course the liter of Titos I consumed wanted to run down my leg with no bathroom in site. We took an adventure and walked down a highway to a Dunkin’ Donuts. As cars are honking away, I prayed to not pee on myself while snap chatting. At that point I really regretted not peeing in the pool. If your wondering I made it to the bathroom.

I won’t be in Florida for the music festival but I’m happy the pre-party was lit. Haha. I even sound like a college broad. Definitely would go to another one.

Oh, the food truck was called Burger Culture , pretty good. Although my sister is the only person on the planet whose at burger place and orders the grilled cheese for us. I love you anyway xo

(I’m the one with the solo cup the sophomore)

cheers xo

wheels up

When you’re flying solo and there’s a hot guy next to you, but he’s dry as hell. Boring. Quiet. Awkward.

I’m over here with 8 Fireball shooters and Rumchatas. Including my usual Xanex I need to fly. God forbid we go down at least I’ll go drunk and not feel shit. Just saying.

I’m about to make a fool of myself.

He has a Dasani water …

Well, at least he can carry me off the plan or report me either one.

Wait he does talk! He just asked me if there’s WiFi. Well we’re on Spirit airlines so for additional 189.99 plus tax and fees you can get WiFi.

Awe his mom from the back row just brought him some snacks. Hi Mom! Did you teach your twenty-something son to have a personality or do you do that for him too?

Can I tell you how cute Alonzo the flight attendant is ! He has quick one liners that I live for. Told me the ice is free! With his strong Cuban accent. I’m headed to the Miami area and this flight crew is lit. He was just doing Salsa in the isle. Ayyyyy.

My meds are kicking in, does the rambling sentences give it away ?

I can not wait to lay my ass on the beach. My sanctuary in the world of chaos. Relax. Drink. Repeat. Four days of bliss. I’m so ready! Mama needs this and hopefully some wild shit I can blog about occurs.

Cheers 🥂

comment below your last flight experience !

Sucker free

So I’m standing in line waiting to book a flight. (Catch flights not feelings) There’s a cute couple in front of me and the girl is on the phone. Typically, I’m ear hustling the convo. She’s on the phone with her friend giving her advice and basically consoling her about a fuck boy . When they hang up she begins to tell her boyfriend what’s going on. So and so is upset because “said fuck boy” is ignoring her texts then shows up at the same place as her with three other girls. The boyfriend probably high fives the dude in his head. Under cover asshole.

Moving on, poor Susan just doesn’t understand why he’s is acting like that. Then it dawns on me. There isn’t a woman or man (I guess) on Earth that has not gone through this bullshit cycle of the guessing game, the heartache, the drama. Can anyone be blunt ? Can you just say what it is ? Can you put your moms tit away and man up ? Guess it’s just too much to be honest. But you know what Susan your not alone! Broken hearts unite!

“Cut the sucker off and find someone new,” Said Lil Kim in 1997. Girl you’re better then that! When women start fully loving themselves and knowing their worth is when this bullshit will stop. Fuck boys will die off one by one. Seriously.

Sometimes it can be tricky weeding out these pricks. They can pretend to be amazing to wheel you in. You know really finesse that Tinder & Bumble bio. Keep on alert and look for red flags because they will be there. You have to sniff them out like a K-9 sniffing you before your Sunday visits at Rikers. Don’t ask. But you understand. Trust your instincts. If something feels off or shady it is.

The best way in dealing with a loser who fooled you into thinking differently is to:

A. ghost them first.

B. Ask them on a double date show with a guy and ask him where his date is. #wastehistime2018

C. Order 25 large pizzas to his house and tell dominos your paying cash.

I’ve done two out of three. Can’t diss and tell though.

Hope this either opened some of your eyes or just made you laugh a little!

Cheers xo

Follow WASTE his time on instagram they are hilarious !!!

Share a fuck boy encounter below ! Subscribe.like.share xo

Valentines xo

Valentine’s Day.

I’ve had my share of good Valentines. Unlike many singles who dread this commercial holiday, I use to be that girl boasting how much I’m in love on social media. I know! You hate me now right ?

One year my bf covered his whole house in rose petals that led upstairs. Yes, they where strategically placed in a heart, on the bed, around my gifts. So cute right?

In high school my bf surprised me with the latest Jordan release to match him. Of course we twinned the next day. How corny we where but so in love. Barf.

Working as a cocktail server and a waitress most of my adult life, I have also worked a bunch of valentines days/nights, and had to sacrifice celebrating later in the month.

Fine by me because even though I once was a lovey dovey weirdo, I’ve always had a sense of humor. Especially sitting at table ten people watching.

Which leads me to this statement. If your man or woman wants to make plans the day before Valentine’s Day to beat the “crowds”, you’re most likely the Side chick or dude. So happy side piece Tuesday everyone. February 13th! I mean even they need a day to celebrate. There’s enough love from St. Valentine to go around. I mean he was marrying a bunch of 15 and 16 year olds during the friggn war for crying out loud. Gross. That’s part of the reason we have this day of love. I don’t think he minds you having a side chick.

So unfortunately this Valentine’s I’m nobody’s side piece or main piece. I WILL be eating a ten piece from McDonald’s by 1am though. Extra sweet & sour.

I actually do have plans because I’m not a total loser. My plans mimic every other single or deprived married female across the country. 50.shades.freed.

I’ll be the one all the way in the back with the extra large flask and extra buttered popcorn. Come sit with me and my other hot single friends. ; )

Katie Ryan said it best !! Click her name to view the truth about vday hunny!

comment below your best or worst valentines date XOXO

CHEERS

New Year Same You

PSA: prepare to read posts all day long about new year new me … spiritual quotes… leaving exes, friendships, bullshit all in 2017. I mean I’ve been seeing them since thanksgiving.

Meanwhile everyone’s preparing to get shit faced, picking out glittery one pieces and schmedium express button ups. All just to wake up with regret on their breath. I guess it’s so you can cram in a little more of your hoe-ness before the new year starts. Then maybe you can be cleansed ? Is it like purging? Really, just another excuse to drink to oblivion with out being judged.

Waking up in 2018 like “WTF.”

I’d like to go back to the time when I was to blame. That one time I was a bottle server. NYE at Casbah! I loved my Italians from New York spending thousands. Smelling like Aqua di gio and bad decisions. Ughhhh those were the nights mama was raking up.

Everyone and I mean everyone thinks they’re someone on a night like NYE. Bottle minimums and egos are high. I’ll let you think you’re Beyoncé and Jayz if you can tip accordingly. We all know gratuity’s included but you can’t boss me around all night for just 18%. Not today.

Let’s go back to the NYE attire. Females, why must all five of you in the party have to look exactly the same? Glitter mini skirt and red lips. Which I LOVE but you look like clones 😩. I mean bitches do love glitter. Guys, button ups from express that would fit a four year old? Not concerned just confused. 🤷‍♀️

My favorite part of working NYE was hanging out with my co workers. Of course after making a ton of schmoney while helping others ring in the New Year. It’s a great feeling giving back to the community like that.

We would all meet up at Duck or High Point and just talk shit. Have a few drinks and ring in the new year like a lil’family. I miss you guys !!! I will forever think about my Casbah loves on nights like tomorrow night !

May all my night life friends near and far make millions this weekend ! I’ll be at the casino dodging dollar tips in change.

Comment below a funny NYE memory!

Cheers xo

Cup of cheer

Usually I’m full of Christmas spirit. This year it’s more like can’t wait to be drunk and fall into someone’s tree.

I did a bunch of online shopping this year to avoid people and being drunk in public. There’s no way I could shop the crowds sober. Can you ? You’re my hero if so.

Unfortunately, I had to do a return at Vickie’s . This is where the regrets start sinking in.

In typical holiday shopping fashion, I drove around for a good 15 minutes to find parking. No body wants to park in carajo land . I made my way into the mall and mumbled a little prayer.

Dear God,

Please make this quick and painless like that one night … wait I’m getting distracted. Anyway lord please keep all assholes away and give me strength to not go Jersey on anyone.

Amen.

Waking into the mall, there goes that Salvation Army bell just jingling away. The sound of guilt from pretending to be on the phone while avoiding judgement. I bet all the money goes to some big rich fat guy sitting on a Yacht somewhere anyway. An even better chance it goes to the bell ringer so they can grab a 40 later.

Either way I’m a piece of shit.

I make my way to Victoria Secret and here’s this teenager to assist me. I ask her to help me find this hoodie I ordered online in an xl. She stops me and explains that they don’t carry xl’s in the store, online only. Um, excuse me, so only size negative twos can shop here ? Strike one. I’m stuck with this hoodie.

No worries. I tell her I can figure it out after Christmas, but may I have some boxes for all the other shit I ordered? Yes of course…. she hands me three 2×0 boxes. Common sense is not a job requirement clearly. I can’t even fit my big toe in this box hun, how can I fit hoodies in them ? I storm off and I hear the little bitch yell MERRY CHRISTMAS. Lol.

my response : keep your boxes ya filthy animal.

This is when I drop everything I’m doing and chug Tito’s in the parking lot as I walk ten blocks to my car. Jk. But it sounds good.

With two days left I hope you get your shit done, wrap a ton of gifts just to be torn open in seconds, bake all your cookies, don’t forget to move the elf, and have plenty of alcohol in the process.

Cheers xo

eve of thanks ….

Well, well, what do we have here ? The biggest party night next to NYE. You don’t say? …. A night where you might bump into your high school sweetheart or you arch enemy. In my case all my little sisters friends who are wondering why the hell I’m even out. Jk. I’m still legit. I’m still young enough to get white girl wasted tonight!

I’m actually going to sling drinks for a few hours and be adultish before I go spend my hard earned money on Jameson. That’s fifty percent responsible.

Thanks giving Eve’s use to be spent drinking a handle of captain at someone’s house then rallying to this place called Zoom. Down beaches finest under one roof. With my fake id (thanks Jules) and dressed in my hot pink Steve Madden boots, I was lit. If you weren’t carried out of that place you were doing it wrong. Luckily there wasn’t any social media to ruin our lives because lord knows we would all be in trouble. Great times.

You remember that one time you were so disgustedly wasted? That drink you consumed 15 of ? The smell of it anytime there after ? That’s Captain Morgan for me. I’m gagging just typing this. RIP Morgan. I had to leave you back in 2003. Along with this photo …

Can’t wait to see everyone out tonight at the casino drinking their holiday stress away and telling me how much they hate their Mother in law. Should be worlds of fun. As long as their tipping. Sometimes holiday clientele can be cheap. Pray for me!

Everyone be safe tonight. Take an Uber if need be … Uber we could of used you back then glad you’re here now though!

God bless & may the turkey not be the only thing getting stuffed this holiday season 😉 !!!

Disclosure : I do not promote drunk texting …

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

Cheers xo