The list ….

Most annoying things people do & say when ordering drinks in the casino …

Not ranked in any order :

1. Asking for light ice or no ice to get a stronger drink.

2. Ordering more then one drink for imaginary husbands or wives.

3. Not tipping bc you don’t have change.

4. Not tipping because all your money is in the machine.

5. Not tipping bc you have no clue we only make $4.12 an hour.

6. Not tipping bc you’re just an asshole.

7. Asking for a cup of olives or cherries.

8. Asking for more then one Fiji water.

9. Asking for Fiji water and tipping like you live under the boardwalk.

10. Asking for Fiji and pronouncing it “foogi.”

11. Not ordering when I yell out beverages and wait until I’m a mile away to call me over.

12. What kind of beer do you have ? Recites list… orders coors light 🙄.

13. Can I get a strong LIT ?

14. Can I get a vodka and absolute double ?

15. Can I get a coke soda ?

16. Can I get a millers light ?

17. Can I get a coffee two splenders , drop of milk , 5 stirs in a mug with your soul on the side ?

18. Keep them coming I’ll take care of you. (does not take care of me.)

19. This tastes like there’s no alcohol in it.

20. Sorry, I don’t have any dollars … hands over pennies dimes and some old aspirin.

21. Wants to order grey goose while playing penny slots.

22. Does not say please thank you or excuse me!

Feel free to comment your favs below & check out tonights Thirsty Thursdays cocktail recipe!

A STRONG LONG ISLAND 😩😂

Cheers xo

https://us.captainmorgan.com/rum-cocktail/long-island-iced-tea

Hidden Gems

I get to meet very special people while cocktailing in these fine establishments. Most are crazy degenerates. Yet, every now an again we get some gems. Last night I was blessed with one.

Let me set the tone for you. Wednesday in Atlantic City after Labor Day. Do I need to spell out depressing? No traffic, empty garage and my manager decides we’re coming in on a fully staffed chart. Seriously? So here we all are just standing around. Legit talking shit the entire night. Definitely earning our hourly rate of four dollars and some cents.

I’m in a station called high limit slots. As I’m walking through it for shits and giggles a guy comes up-to me and asks what makes this area different? Well sir, this area is high limits, one bet on the slot machine is a minimum of $25. Boom, with too much eye contact, I mistakenly opened up a whole story from him. He was at Harrahs casino, won but lost here, blah blah blah. Since we were completely dead I could have entertained it. That is if his breath wasn’t making me squint my eyes. Terrible. So I did what I normally do and pretend like someone’s calling me. In a completely dead casino.

Once I escaped garlic and Honey Jack breath, I went back to talking shit with my girls.

He returns like an hour later. This time he orders something and actually sits down at poker slots. My only customer go figure. Story time. He begins to tell me how he’s married, was at Borgata and was picked up by a forty year old women the night before. How he felt so flattered and how excited he was. First thing I asked, was she a prostitute? I mean it’s the norm out here. Plus he’s fifty something, not that attractive and gambling alone. Perfect hooker bait. He said no but I’m not buying it. Anyway, tells me some more bs and gives me a ten. I go back to the bar and count down until I can leave.

I check on him again hoping he’ll order another Honey Jack and I can make a whole $20 before I leave.

Instead he wants to talk more.

In just a few minutes I know all about this guy. Owns a tuxedo business, married 37 years, time shares in Brigantine, the list goes on. I told him two things about myself. Which was perfectly fine with me. Totally killing time at this point listening to him.

After ranting about himself, here comes what feels like life advice. I even felt some serious back round music come on like in the movies. He begins to say while his children were growing up, he always tried to be firm but fair. That he needed his son and daughter to show him that he could trust them. “I’ll defend you till the death of me, as long as I can trust you.” That struck a cord with me. Children do not come with a manual. Honestly, it’s a learning process for both the child and the parent. You are learning at every age they turn. He said, “You know I never had a 10 year old,11,12,13,14 year old and so on. We needed to be a team and learn together. It may not be easy but we have to have trust.” I catch myself soaking up these rare gems from this drunk guy. Who knew.

Then things went left. I’m all into this life lesson when his wife and daughter walk up yelling, “There you are!” Apparently they’ve been looking for him and weren’t happy at all that they found him talking to me at 1am. Great.

All tipsy and loud he yells , “Honey, this is Nicole, she’s a waitress here she’s local , this is her section , her favorite color is purple , her blood type is …”

I’m just gonna walk away now. Of course I asked the wife if she wanted something to drink. Of course she rudely said no. When I turned my back I could hear her scolding him and all I thought about was the hooker. Oh how I hope he went with the hooker last night. I returned to the bar and everyone was laughing because they saw it all conspiring. Well, I didn’t get another ten out if it but I got some valuable parenting advice. All he got was his ear pulled all the way home I’m sure!

In honor of back to school week, or the first week ever for some children, I thought I’d share with my parent followers. It’s not always about wild drunk stories. Sometimes there’s hidden gems inside this cocktail thing.

Cheers xo

please enjoy my new addition, the cocktail of the week:

Recipe from chilledmagazine.com

No laws…

It’s about damn time I wrote about how fucking weird summer’19 has been for me. Anyone else ??

Now that the retrograde is over , is it ? I have no clue, but I still feel like I’m suppose to be in Maui on a yacht. Instead I’m chasing White Claws with vodka to keep sane.

Working nightlife in a casino is taking it’s toll on me. So I do exactly what my therapist says not to do , drink.

Being drunk is way more fun then being sober and thinking of , well , anything besides why mango isn’t in the variety pack?? White Claw summer.

I joke a lot so if you think I’m a raging alcoholic, you’re right.

Since I’m unhappy at work, I do my best not to be there. I go in on the weekends and hope for the best. How do I pay my bills you ask ? Snapchat premium duh. Link below.

Made you look!

Anyway, no guys, I’m up to my eyeballs in debt like everyone else in America. So that’s why I’m setting up some quality goals. Starting with going to work every shift this month. It’s the 6th and I’ve been to 3 out of five shifts. Baby steps.

My work wife Brit….

Plus we have this girls trip to Vegas coming up, so definitely have a little motivation for that. Also setting up a go fund me incase any daddy’s want to donate to that cause. Link in bio. Speaking of rich old men where’s your boats at? That’s on my list too , get on some old guy’s boat and take pictures for Instagram. Quality goals, I told you.

But once I get out of this little funk get my ass to work, put down the fork, and detox from bad decisions, it’s over for you bitches.

Basically, this summer has been full of spontaneous days and nights with literally no plans, except to conquer tan-lines.

I did learn a valuable lesson though. Never, ever, drink that foreign liquor!No, not that bootleg liquor in DR , although I would offer that to some of you out there. All jokes aside, I went to my friend Juan’s pool party. First step out of my car his girlfriend welcomed me with a shot of Colombian alcohol, Aguardiente. It went down like water. It was over from there.

Myself , Juan’s girlfriend the beautiful Maria & the bestie Tiff MUA….

Next thing you know it’s midnight and I’m getting taken out of the pool by security (my best friend) lost my shorts , towel and will to live.

to be continued….

Let’s just say I gave up Colombians and drinking for 48 hours.

But there’s only four more weeks left. Then what, back to seasonal depression and an empty shore town? Fun.

I guess I’m living what the kids call a Hot girl summer but feels more like broke girl summer. Luckily my happiness only cost 14.99. Yup, the variety pack. No laws baby!

Please Follow and click ——> Trevor Wallace , we’re getting married.

Thank me later.

Cheers 😘

MDW 19

Here we go kids! My 99th Memorial Day weekend in the casino industry. While all you guys are getting wasted on your boats or at your back yard BBQs, I’ll be slinging them drinks to my favorite degenerate gambles. You know, the ones who stop me mid walk, with 30 cocktails on my tray. Asking for a napkin, directions, change for 100, or a blood transfusion. Yes,them.

Holiday crowds are a bit different. They are needier, cheaper, drunker. So if you have a loved one working this weekend in the industry check on them. They are NOT ok.

The bright side is we do get holiday pay! Yay, a whole extra 24.72 cents in my direct deposit !

I’ll be able to treat you to a 40oz or a fifth of mad dog.

I’m that old.

So that means as cocktail servers,waiters, waitresses etc…we make $4.12 cents an hr. Can vary but you get the picture. Mental note next time you order 7 drinks and ten Fiji waters. Your tip is literally paying our bills. A thank you is nice but it can’t pay my car payment.

No tippy no sippy. I’ll disappear faster then a dad on child support.

Just playing! Incase my manager is reading. (but I’m dead serious)

Furthermore, always wanted to say that since I never finished college. Can you tell by my grammar?

While on my way to work this weekend , I’ll have to pray to the parking gods I can get a spot. As I fly down the express way, one goal in mind, to beat the “Shoob” and their quest “down tha shore.”

Since I will be missing all delicious gatherings this weekend , I’ll be expecting whoever is having a cook out to bring a grilled hot dog, potato salad, mac & cheese. If it’s BBQ I want pasta salad, a cheese burger, and ambrosia salad . If it’s a fiesta I want rice beans, pernil and tequila neat. Either way one of my peeps better come through. Love you!

Aside from partying and eating we do have to recognize what this holiday is really about.

Even though our country is out of wack, we still can walk outside our homes pretty safe, come up with the stupidest rap songs, be a celebrity DJ, create the weirdest inventions, turn sex tapes into family empires, and ultimately become millionaires. Pretty crazy opportunities here right ? #goals

So Let’s Remember our fallen hero’s. Pour some out for them and be thankful for the ultimate sacrifice they gave for us.

Happy MDW everyone !!!

Please Uber , Lift , or old school cab

Do not be stupid ! Do not call your mom or your EX at 4am either. 😩🤣

Cheers 🥂

single as a pringle

I was in a relationship for ten years of my life and now I guess I’m going to spend the next ten weeding through the lames, fuck boys , and situationships. Jesus didn’t drive, so someone better take the wheel or I’m going to steer off the Walt Whitman. (Joking)

When I newly became single you might remember my 20 something sister convinced me to make a Bumble.

So fascinating I wrote about it. You can read that here. https://confessionsofacocktailserver.com/2017/11/14/bumble-it-is/

I still log on for shits and giggles. My bio says “You know when you keep opening the fridge to see if there’s anything good to eat ?

That’s what this shit is. An empty fridge full of random shit that doesn’t make sense.

Like some guy whose profession says Po-po , or some dude with professional photos on the beach with his bulldog. Can’t leave out the guy who posts 75 pics with his guy friends and you’re mad the friend to left isn’t on bumble because he looks better.

Then I try to meet people regular, you know like actually go outside, and that’s like Bumble but live.

They’re either too drunk, too short, or their girlfriend comes walking out of the bathroom. One time a guy called me his cousin. Since I’d rather play along then punch him in the face, I told her I’d see her at Thanksgiving and kissed her cheek. Clearly I’m doomed. I completely understand the struggles of all my single friends over the years.

Instagram has been another way to meet people and that’s going pretty well ….

Seriously?

Then there’s the let me hook you up with my boyfriends friend so we can double date. Fine I’ll be your wing man, wing girl, loser, whatever you need so we can all “hang out”. Well that turned into 6 months of wtf are we? Is this relationship or situationship? Shout out to Sasha Merci she’s hilarious! Follow her and watch this funny clip:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BstJkV0AnUx/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1dsufdvlpc5qi

I can’t even find a decent date to a wedding coming up so I’m bringing my best girl friend! No pressure, we can eat and drink like slobs , and I’ll probably kiss her at the end of the night. Done.

The best line at work from customers:

Wow how’s a girl like you single ?

I duno sir, ask my ex husband…

Or the 29 guys in my inbox…

You pick.

I’m getting used to Netflix and passing the fuck out. When I wake up it’s asking me if I’m still here.. unfortunately yes, yes I am, thanks for asking.

Even my moms working over time trying to fix me up with randoms. Like a friend of a friend who she met at the Bjs wholesale club. This is my life.

It’s times like this I miss cleaning up my exes dirty socks, dishes, and pee around the toilet, because men we all know you forget to aim sometimes. Don’t lie and do not put that in your Bumble bio.

Cheers

Xo

Disney Chic

Slinging cocktails to degenerate gamblers has its perks. I’m happy to say, the struggles of arthritis in my left wrist and terrible lower back pain is all worth it. When I’m on a flight to Florida that is. Had to escape the 20 degree weather in Jersey.

Went to Disney World yesterday, one of my happy places. Yes it’s not for everyone. I get it. Especially the over spent father, wife, spoiled rotten children, and underpaid workers. Poor Cinderella, she really ain’t living her best life. It’ll always be magical to me though. As a kid I had some of the best memories there with my siblings and cousins.

Thanks mom, dad, and my mom mom June. 🙏🏼

If you follow my blog you should know by now people watching is also a favorite of mine. Where else then a crowded theme park to do so? Now I’m not normal by any means but there are some serious weirdos at Disney. You can totally tell they’re from weird ass parts of the country too. Sorry not sorry. It’s true though. You can distinguish a New Yorker from someone from Idaho or like Oklahoma. Nothing against y’all I promise. (Loses followers in 5,4,3,…)

Also you can tell who doesn’t shower, have any home training, knows their left from their right, who beats their kids, whose kids beat them and so on.

Oh and if you want a spot for any of the parades you better get there two days before. Camp out like you’re waiting for those new Jordan’s or Madden releases. You don’t know what a savage is until you’ve come across a mom with a double stroller at Disney.

Then there’s the hot dads.

My favorite dad had his sixth month old on his hip, while kneeling down, camera in hand, doing a photo shoot of his trendy wife in-front of the castle. If that doesn’t scream marriage goals what does? And he was happy while doing it! Giving her all the angles! I’d definitely vote him in for the Dilfs of Disney’s Instagram. Which apparently is a real thing! Look them up! You’re welcome. Since I didn’t have a hot husband to do my photo shoot I bribed some brat to do mine.

Also quick tip never wear vans to any theme park unless you want to die a slow death. I haven’t had blisters this bad since my communion shoes. I looked cute though. Pain is beauty✨

Luckily my water, which was Titos, helped with the pain. Shout out to the cute security guard, who asked how my lime flavored water tasted at a re-entry check point. You were on to me.

May all your dreams come true this weekend and may you regret them all Monday morning.

Cheers

Xo

1-800 flowers

Valentine’s Day again ?

A day to show the one you can’t stand 364 days out of the year how much you really love them. Like working 40 hrs a week or taking care of a house, kids, dogs, cat, hamster doesn’t scream baby I love you. This over priced candy and card most definitely will! Can’t forget the flowers too! Single or in a relationship this man made Holiday is overrated.

If you’re single like me, nothing makes it’s worse then getting a text from a club promoter with this header ….

Like thanks, I really want to hang out with a bunch of loners on a couples holiday. I’ll just get drunk in the comforts of my own home tonight.

As if I’m not feeling shitty enough you just throw salt at me !

Not gonna lie, even though this holiday is once again stupid, I have decided I’m in the wrong profession. A good friend of mine asked me to pick out flowers and a card for his girl. Which happens to also be a good friend.

So here I go, bracing myself for all the last minute people scurrying around for the perfect I love you.

My first thought , people don’t work on Valentine’s Day ? It’s 11am why the fuck is this line from here to China ? Everyone call out sick for this shit ? Scared you’re sleeping on the couch tonight ? (which you probably already do) Anyway, after I survived the line I went to another store. Ahhh the card isle, full of dudes racking there brains it looks like. Pick a card any card. Don’t act like you care now. Just kidding, but not. “Any cards for friends with benefits ? How about for Situationships ? Asking for myself!”

I yell out. No one laughs. Tough crowd. That’s why that card you picked won’t get you laid later. But this card , this card I picked out for my friend! This is where I decided forget cocktailing. I’m going to do this for a living ! That’s right all you dumbass men stress no more! I’m going to be like Kevin Hart in Wedding Ringer. Forget 1-800 flowers, hit me up 1-800 Nicole Lauren. I picked the best card ever! The best flower arrangement. You can’t top a woman doing a mans job, we just do it better. But I do need a man for one thing, filling windshield washer fluid in my car. I almost broke a nail today trying to open my hood. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Quick question, if the day before Valentine’s Day is side chick day what’s tomorrow? Bottom bitch day, because candy and everything is gonna be on clearance! I mean I’d take my side piece out tomorrow save some money, see you dudes got it all wrong.

So aside from today being pretty comical, I am excited to get this biz off the ground. Christmas gifts, anniversaries, gender reveals, push presents, mother in laws yup! Guys, I’m your go to ! What would I call it though ? Happy wife happy life ? Nikki knows best ? Leave it to me? Your an idiot let me do it ? Decisions, decisions. Comment below your suggestions! This could be big.

Cheers xo

♥️

another year older

Twenty-eight days into 2019 and I’m already over it. Government shut downs, stupid plastic bag fees, fuckn R Kelly running around free, what the hell is going on?

But hey, I’m a year older! My birthday just passed. Another year older, another year wiser? Yeh, that’s a no for me. Still making the same bad decisions, I haven’t learned shit. Same taste in disappointing men, still not someone’s sugar baby, botox not lasting as long anymore, but my alcohol tolerance is up and I can fit into those Kim K dresses. So I am making minor accomplishments! Although, I miss the days two cocktails did the trick. Quick and cheap just how I like it. Definitely do not miss the days I looked like a ten pound bag of potatoes in a five pound bag though.

Me showing off for the gram

Aside from January being my birth month, the winter sucks in a shore town. Nothing to do, the place is empty, and everything’s closed. Casinos (my place of employment) are slow. So I decided I’ll be one of those “girls“ who put their Cash app in their IG bio. Sole purpose : Incase any one wants to donate to a pretty charity case/ basket case. Judge me you have my permission!

@_nicolelauren_

With all that being said, I’m going to ride with my Asians next week and celebrate New Years with them. Plus it’s the year of the Pig! Which can mean many things. No, not the year of your ex or the girl falling off the bar in my Kim K dress, but wealth and good luck. That sounds promising. Let’s forget the last month. With the exception of my birthday. Seems legit.

Shout out, by the way, to my girls for making my birthday another shit show for the books! #redlipstick blog to follow.

On my bday

Cheers

Xo

TV, YL, SA ♥️ phillynights

Mixin’ n Mingling 🌲❤️

I can pretty much throw myself in the pile with shitty corporate America. Since they rush every single friggn Holiday! Which means that I completely skipped over bitching about  thanksgiving, and jumped straight to bitching about Christmas. At least I waited until after December 1st. Unlike you people with your damn trees.

Here we are. Feels like I was just telling you about my ventures Christmas shopping intoxicated off of Pinot Grigio… Time flys when you’re looking at memes all day and trying to be an Instagram model…crazy.

(Me and my girls being festive )

This will be my second holiday season single. The firsts are always the hardest to get through they say. Yet, here I am! After 365 days though, I feel like a Hoefessional. Just kidding MOM & DAD! But seriously this won’t be so bad. Especially since alcohol is a huge distraction for me. Who cares if it brings on depression, weight gain, and could lead to addiction. Sounds right up my alley. Plus, a few Christmas jingles promote single-ism. Not a typo, my own diagnosis for people like myself.

Single-ism : philosophy of one who has no problem interacting with the opposite sex, hanging out, even casually dating. Wants no serious commitment, due to past heart breaks, unless you’re putting him or her up in Kensington Palace.

Back to the Christmas jingles, isn’t there one about Christmas cheer? Drinking plenty of that. Check. How about the Baby it’s cold outside song? “So, really I’d better scurry (Beautiful please don’t hurry) Well maybe just a half a drink more .” My kinda convincing! Check. Oh, can’t forget the song about mixing and mingling! Mixing my Jameson with club and mingling with emotionally unavailable men. Check Check !

Not only has Chris Kringle convinced us it’s ok to be single, he’s also co-signs dating more then one person is totally in the spirit. The more the merrier!

After this blog is published though, I might be single, single and have to kiss myself under the misletoe. But hey self love, right, and I’ll save tons of money on my Christmas gift shopping!

Have a wonderful Holiday season.

P.S if anyone needs a fill in girlfriend for family parties to avoid being harassed about being single HMU !

Comment.like.share ! 😘❄️

Trick or Treat

Is halloween even a holiday? Either way it’s my favorite! Not only because of candy. I’ve loved playing dress up since I was three. Plus what human doesn’t want an excuse to dress like a hoe?

Just kidding mom. Seriously though I love looking at everyone’s costumes, handing out candy to the little ones, and my favorite part, the Halloween parties! Especially night life in AC.

We can dress up at work and it’s always a fun night. Until customers try to tip me in candy , um no sir this kit kat won’t keep my lights on. Is it laced with LSD? Because then …. just kidding again mom.

Last year I was Minnie Mouse at work and Pretty Women for a party. Made it myself, which I’m really proud of. So make sure to give me a gold star on my chart. This year I can’t tell you who I’m being or I’ll have to kill you.

It’s gonna be hot though of course. Since Halloween is on a Wednesday, the nightlife in Atlantic City is celebrating Friday till then! Every night has an event. DM me for details.Jk. Tonight kicks it off. Can’t wait even though I’ll be working, I’ll be out Sunday hoeing it up in my costume that I can’t tell you about.

One of my favorite Halloween’s was when I was maybe 20. I was the Statue of Liberty. Ordered it from some stripper website, which I see the 20 somethings still do. Where you pay $60 for a piece of string but hey not judging. I’ve learned to make my own slutty costumes at an affordable price. Comes with age.

Anyway we went party hopping with my awesome fake ID. Good times. RIP Zoom.

My bestie Brian was the Hamburgerlar as you can see. If I was as clever as I am today I would of been a cheeseburger! Oh well. Wait come to think of it we’re Halloween besties ! We also dressed up as Britney and K fed one year ! Love ya Bri! We have to plan another couple costume next year ! We should try not to get drunk so early so we can actually enter a contest.

Have a fun & safe weekend!! Check your children’s candy for crack, send me all your kit kats, don’t let your cocktails get roofied,unless your into that , and make sure to send me pics of the slutty and funny costumes out this year!

Cheers

Xo